I’ve started going to Overeaters Anonymous. It feels weird to be going, and I’m kind of scared it will be just another thing I fail at, food-wise.

I just had my second meeting today, so I’m a real newbie. But they’ve made me so welcome, and there are other members who understand what I’ve been going through. Up until now, I didn’t have that. Weight Watchers came close with the support, but we never really shared what we were all going through.

I can’t control my eating. I know that now. I am powerless with food. I can’t manage it. So an eating plan by itself is not going to work with me. I need to change my mindset. I need to learn new habits, and get rid of the old ones that don’t do me any good.

I haven’t weighed myself in ages. I’m kind of scared to. I don’t know whether my sponsor – when I get one – will want me to weigh in, but if so I’ll do it then.

Or maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. At least then I’ll know how bad my situation is.

What worries me as well is that when I do lose weight, I tend to binge immediately afterwards. It’s almost like I want to fail. It’s strange, and I don’t understand it. Maybe it’s because I don’t really want to give up my addiction. Except I do. I really want this helplessness to stop.

So that’s me. I’m doing this. I have a problem – an addiction – to food.

And I want to get better.