Despite today’s slip, I’ve noticed that my clothes are starting to feel looser.

A couple of weeks ago, when I started OA, my jeans were so tight I could barely do them up.

Today they felt better. Still tight, but no longer likely to split.

The weather is starting to get better. I think I’m going to start walking more, and start walking home at nights. I live up a HUGE hill and it won’t be easy, but if I start gently, I can do it. And I know it will get easier every time I do it. I want to regain my fitness.

So yes, despite today’s slip, I feel like OA is definitely helping, more than any diet ever has.

That’s odd, when I think about it. After all, we don’t talk about food and diets at OA. We talk about feelings. Really messy stuff.

That helps, because when we share I am reminded that I’m not alone in this. The other women there are going through it too, or have gone through it. I don’t feel so lonely in this disease. I feel like, with support, I may be able to get better.

I’m not in this for the short term. I don’t want to lose weight only to regain it a year down the track. I want to get healthy, and keep the weight off. OA will become a permanent part of my life.

I still haven’t faced the scales yet. I used to weigh in every Thursday. Tomorrow is Thursday. I’m just not sure if I’m ready yet. I’m not sure I can face the numbers.

That’s what I should weigh, above. And I don’t have to see the numbers on the dial to know I’m a long way off those figures.

I don’t even know if I can do it. I know I certainly can’t do it alone.

That’s where OA comes in. They say that with God all things are possible but I’m not a churchgoer. I’m certainly giving this my all-in. I want to change. I want to get better. I want to get healthy.

It might take a couple of years. I don’t mind. This problem of mine with food didn’t happen overnight. It’ll take a while to fix.

But I do believe that I can get better.