It’s lockdown Day 4 here in New Zealand, and we’re all pretty bored. The excitement of the day is my husband going up to the supermarket to get a few things – that’s how great it is.

I’m tempted to start going for walks every day. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that. I used to be a keen and regular walker, but it has dropped off as the weight has come on. I need to get back into the habit.

Not much news. I went to my first online meeting today. It was good. I’m glad I went. I’ll get more familiar with how the online meetings work and go to one every day during lockdown I think, just to get some structure into my life.

My eating is going well. Had a semi-binge yesterday – my husband made pancakes yesterday and I had five.

Okay, maybe not a semi binge. Despite that, my eating is getting more structured, and the binges are definitely fewer. But I’m definitely still a work in progress.

I did my weekly weigh in this morning. I’ve gone up, by .8 kg. I actually don’t understand why, as my eating has improved and snacking and junk food have stopped. So I’m going to chalk it up to being an anomaly. And I figure it will drop next week.

It’s also odd, as my jeans are fitting better. Maybe the scales are dodgy? I don’t know, but I’ll keep on doing what I’m doing, in the hope that next week will see an improvement.

One day at a time…one day at a time…

I’m still waiting to really grok the steps of OA. I’m in, but still familiarizing myself with it all. So definitely still in the “newbie” category. But I’ll keep doing what I’m supposed to do, and hopefully I’ll have that flash, that moment in which everything starts to fit together.

My clothes are fitting better already, which is great. I’m no longer worried that my jeans will split when I put them on!

I’m trying to think of what I might like to wear when I reach a healthy weight. That seems so elusive, yet so many members of OA seem to achieve it. So why not me too? I want what they have. I want to find health and freedom. I want to be healed.

So I’ll keep writing, and keep attending, and hopefully I’ll find my path forward.