I don’t understand myself

I’ve just had my sandwich (curried egg – yum) and a banana for lunch. But I’m thinking about going and getting something else, maybe Chinese.

Why? Don’t know. I’m not actually hungry. I just kinda want something else. It’s on my mind, and now I’m not satisfied by my sandwich. I’m still not hungry, but I feel emotionally empty.

I want something I cannot and should not have.

So here I am, writing about it. Trying to figure out the why.

This craving thing is what I’m fighting against. It’s insidious. It’s not hunger, it’s something else, and it just lurks in my mind, causing unease and dissatisfaction at the bottom of everything.

I also know it will eventually go away. I just have to give it a firm NO.

I need to get on top of this thing, and to stop it happening.

My sponsor says the less you feed a craving, the less control it will have over you.

That’s true. I know that giving in to a craving just creates another craving coming right on behind it.

I don’t know whether or how this might be emotionally related. I just know I have to get past it.

Thing is, I’m not alone. A majority of adults in the western world are overeaters of one kind or another. When I look around my office I don’t see a whole lot of people who are a healthy weight and who clearly have healthy eating habits. Instead, I see a lot of overweight, unhealthy looking people, none of whom look like they’ll reach 90.

I want to reach 90.

So I’m not giving in to this craving today. Just for today, I win.