Day 7: Crazy busy at work

I’m still fasting and very busy at work. I really need a break!

It’s going okay, but I feel like I’m ready to call it quits, take a break, then come back to it. It’s not because I’m crazy hungry or anything – I’m just feeling like I need a break from it.

Fasting isn’t hard so much as challenging. It’s more a mental game than anything. There’s so much food just lying around in our society. At work there’s chocolate and sweet stuff, and at home there’s, well, everything. It’s always visible and available. Avoiding being tempted is hard.

I’m pretty familiar with fasting. I’ve done it plenty of times before. I’m familiar with how it feels and the mental struggle. It does get easier when you’re used to it, but it’s never actually easy.

Weirdly, I like the way fasting makes me feel. I feel more alert, and not drugged out on all the sugar. It makes me realize how dopey eating normally makes me. I don’t think I’m particularly dopey, but food definitely is like a drug to me – a coping mechanism to deal with the world.

When I take my drug away, I feel empty, bored, stressful. Then I want my drug back again. Fasting makes me realize how much of a food addict I really am. It’s absolutely central to my mental well-being.

OA is right. I’m a food addict. Food is an emotional, social and mental crutch to me. I don’t want it to be. I just want it to be food. I want to be sane and abstinent. I want the centre of my life to be those people I care about, rather than what’s on my plate.

My goal with OA and fasting is to know myself and my Higher Power intimately. To understand. I’m not at that point yet, but I am feeling more aware than I was before of how brutal the truth is about me and food.

I hope some of this makes sense!

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