Work has been getting busier, which is great. I don’t much like working from home, but being busy is definitely better than sitting at my desk with nothing coming through.

Re OA: I’ve had a rough couple of days, so I’m making changes. I’m going to read more literature, make a food plan and diarize it, and quit soft drink, to which I am seriously addicted.

It’ll be much better when I can go to meetings again. I really need them.

I’m also going to organize a Sponsor. I’ll email one of the ladies and ask how I do this, as I don’t really know what the process is.

I’ll be glad to be out of lockdown, whenever that happens. I’m totally over this covid BS. It’s blatantly obvious that we’re all just going to have to learn to live with it. These lockdowns must stop.

I need to get my head in the game re OA. I feel like I’m sitting on the sidelines, watching and not really committing. I want to commit to this completely. I want my problems with food over.

I’ve had a bad couple of days, with not being able to stick to the plan. I don’t know why. I just have.

So I’m back in the saddle. I’ll read some more OA literature and that may help. But generally I’m just feeling a bit blaaagh and under the weather. The whole family has the sniffles and I’m generally bored with lockdown.

I’ve suffered from general boredom and a lack of energy, and have barely been outside the whole lockdown. I know it’s not good for me, but I just can’t seem to get motivated. I am sleeping well at least, but that’s about the only good at the moment.

So yes, I’ll do better. It doesn’t help that there are no face to face meetings, which I desperately need. And I know a lot of people are in the same boat as me right now. It’s just not easy.

Today we’ve gone down to level three lockdown, which is exactly the same as level 4 lockdown, except we can order junk food through drive throughs. Yay. I’ll try not to get too excited by that!

Anyway, not much else to say for now.

I’m missing my meetings. Sure, there are online meetings available, but they’re not the same. It’s much better to be face to face with people. It means more.

I can feel myself slipping. I’m trying to keep doing the steps, but it’s hard when my weight isn’t dropping and I’m not seeing any results. I’m going to try bringing in portion control to see if that helps. But it’s just hard at the moment, probably because we’re in lockdown at the moment.

I’ve had a couple of slips. Nothing too major, but enough to make me stop and take pause. And think about it.

I’ll be at the online meeting tonight, and hopefully that will help.

We’re in level 3 of lockdown, which is basically full lockdown with takeaway food. Not exciting.

I’m doing well with my food, but not losing any weight. I think that’s due to the fact that I’m drinking a lot. So much so that I may have to quit to actually get my weight coming down.

But I’m not snacking much at all any more. The “one day at a time” thing really helps me. I’m still eating quite big meals, so I may need to start thinking about portions, but for now I’m happy with where I’m headed.

I’m going to start tracking my food, and just reducing my portions a bit. Clear space between items on my plate, that sort of thing.

I’m also going to start doing daily walks. With the lockdown I’m getting minimal exercise, so I need to improve there.

Finally, I’m quitting diet soft drink. It’s not good for me anyway, and it’s expensive, so time to quit. I’ve struggled with my addiction to Pepsi Max for years, but I think I just need to go cold turkey. I’ll buy Matt cans of it instead, and that way I should be able to avoid going near the stuff. I’m done with it.

I’ll head out for a walk in a sec. Just waiting to dry my hair. It’s quite cold outside still (winter in New Zealand) and I don’t want to catch a cold.

So that’s my news – I’m going abstinent from soft drink, and I’m going to exercise and watch my portions.

I can do this.

We’re all still in home detention at the moment – I guess ankle bracelets will be next!

Life isn’t bad, OA-wise. I’m still managing to keep away from chocolate, but have been drinking a fair bit over the lockdown. New Zealand will be a country of alcoholics when we’re done with all this nonsense.

Not much to report. I think I’m still losing weight, but my guess is it would be slowly, as I’m pretty much housebound. I’m also theoretically working from home, but there’s so little to do that most of my day is empty.

I think everyone just wants life back to normal. But I can’t help thinking as long as people are compliant, things will keep getting worse. This is a dictator’s wet dream. Think about it: someone who was never elected being able to put an entire population in jail (in effect) with no recourse and no debate. They’ve even suspended parliament.

I always wondered how 1930s Germany happened. Now I know. It was people just going along with whatever the person in charge wanted.

I feel like freedom is being snuffed out in the world.

We’ve started our second week in lockdown, to deal with the ZERO cases of covid in the south island.

This is literally insane.

There will be a point at which we all realize that you can’t get rid of covid, any more than you can get rid of the flu. Or herpes 😁

Does the vaccine work? Of course not. There’s lots of data coming out now that vaccinated people can still pass the virus on… And, as we know, it only takes ZERO cases to lock the south island down.

We’ll never see an end to this thing. Not while Ardern is in charge. It’s the only reason she got into power, after all.

Apparently now anyone who doesn’t believe everything the government tells us is a “conspiracy theorist”.

I guess that’s what I am then. Because I don’t believe about 90% of what comes out of Ardern’s mouth. My general rule is never trust a politician and I’ve never been disappointed yet as a result of that.

In other news, my eating is going well, one day at a time. I haven’t binged, and I’m not thinking about food so much already.

I’m also losing weight…and nearly lost my wedding ring yesterday at the supermarket when it slipped off. It fell into a shopping bag but luckily I found it after a huge search running around the shop in panic. People were looking at me as I’m generally the only person there without a mask (I have an exemption).

Anyway, now I’m wearing my ring on my biggest finger. It’s not correct, but at least I shouldn’t lose it again.

It’s good I’m losing weight, but not so good that my wedding ring is now too big!

I’m liking OA. I can see how it works, and see how it is effective. There’s support and accountability, and it creates structure to deal with chaotic eating.

Also, when we admit we are powerless over food (the first step), is actually makes things better. You have to accept you have a problem before you can fix it – so step one is accepting the problem exists.

This sounds too basic to make a difference, but it does make a difference. Up until now, I’ve always figured I can fix this. Of course I can. It’s just an issue with chocolate.

But I couldn’t deal with it. Not by myself. I needed help.

I also didn’t realize it’s not about the food. It was never about the food. I thought it was about the food. It wasn’t. I now recognize (or am starting to) that it’s about everything from the neck up, not the neck down. And not about the food!

I think I’m ready to work the second step. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to continue to work the first step, but I’m feeling positive enough to work on.

I have plenty of time to think about all this. Maybe lockdown is good for something after all!

I’m doing okay at home, with my eating. Despite being in lockdown for nearly a week, I have been managing okay, and only had one slip. I’m certainly doing way better than I would have been without OA.

The big news of today in COVID is that the Pfizer vaccine only lasts for four months with any sort of efficacy. That’s just great for New Zealand, as it’s taken us more than that to get a quarter of the population done with jab #1.

In other words, this is going to keep on for a loooong time. Don’t expect a return to normalcy any time soon.

So the question that needs to be asked by critical thinkers is: if the vaccine doesn’t stop the virus spreading (which it doesn’t) and only lasts four months anyway, what’s the point of bothering with it?

And why are governments pushing the vax so hard? Who is making money from all this – apart from the billionaires?

I’m already reading in the news that yet more small businesses won’t be able to survive this lockdown.

Anyway, enough of all that. OA is going well, and I’m looking forward to doing another online meeting sometime today. This time I’ll use my computer instead of my aging, dying phone though!